Hey there !
Last March I was scheduled to fly out of Milwaukee to LA for a VIP Day and 3-day retreat with Jeffrey Van Dyk.
Then, on the Saturday before I was to leave, I started coming down with a cold.
I immediately scaled back my activities so I could rest and started taking supplements to boost my immune system. I texted my coach, Pat, asking her to send Reiki healing energy.
On the day of my flight, I had a morning call with Pat.
“Did you ask God?” was the first thing she said to me.
“Ask God about what?” I queried.
“If you should be flying to LA today for the retreat?”
“Of course I’m coming to LA. Why wouldn’t I?” I shot back, more than a little puzzled AND defensive.
“But did you ask God if it is in your best interest given your cold?”
We went back and forth for several rounds – with me asserting that OF COURSE I was coming to LA and Pat repeating...
“But did you ask God?”
The truth is that I didn’t THINK of asking God. And even if I had, I wouldn’t have wanted to because I was REALLY ATTACHED to going to LA for this retreat.
Are you with me, ?
I was thinking about our conversation as I drove to Milwaukee when it dawned on me.
“What if there was ANOTHER reason for me not to go to LA, completely unrelated to my cold? What if the “cold” was merely what God was using to get my attention? What if the plane was going to crash and, because I refused to ask God, I got on and crashed too?”
These were the types of consequences that started playing in my mind – consequences of me being SO attached to this trip I didn't think of asking God for guidance.
And even with that, I STILL did not ask. :-)
When I got to the airport, everything went like clockwork and I had 30 minutes to spare before we began boarding. The fact that I still had not asked was weighing on me.
Reluctantly, I pulled out my laptop so I could have an “Active Imagination” journaling dialogue with God. Here’s how our conversation went…
Me: Hey God! I only have a few minutes but, after my call with Pat this morning, taking these few minutes is me walking my talk.
I realize that I am really attached to going to LA this week. I realize that, when I felt myself coming down with a cold, I didn’t check in with you. I was afraid to… because I was afraid you would say “no” to LA. And I didn’t want to miss this trip… or miss out on the week.
So, first, please help the part of me that is afraid of missing out… help that part not want to miss out on whatever YOU have planned for me…. even if it’s different than what I’ve planned or want.
Please help me to be unattached as I come to you now.
(DEEP breath…)
Is it in my best interest – and in your best interest for me – to leave for LA as originally planned?
(long pause as I wait)
God: I WANT you to be in LA this week Teresa. But more than that, I wanted you to have this experience and this practice – to realize that I WANT you there. That, more than you realize, I want you to have what you want.
I want you to trust that you can check in with me on everything without fear. Because many more times than you expect, I will say “YES” to you… just as you are learning to say “YES” to me. And when I say “no” to you or “not now”… it’s only because I have something better in store for you than the thing you are thinking of and counting on.
, I am sharing this with you today because one of the reasons we (you and me) keep trying to do everything ourselves – trying to MAKE things happen, to control everyone and everything – is because, at a deep level, we do not fully trust that what God/Creator/Source wants for us is the same thing we want – OR BETTER.
Like me that day in Milwaukee airport, we are afraid of the “NO” – especially when we are REALLY ATTACHED to doing whatever it is we want and having things turn out the way we want.
We don’t ASK because we don’t want to hear what the answer is – because we fear that the answer will NOT be the one we want to hear.
So instead of surrendering, we keep pushing, struggling, going it alone, stressing out and burning out. And we live in fear, guilt, dread, pressure and shame – even if we don’t admit it.
But what I learned that day in Milwaukee is that when we do not ask because we expect or fear a “NO”, we never give ourselves the opportunity to hear “YES”.
And hearing this “Yes!” is HUGE – especially if you have an unrecognized and/or unhealed belief that you are not important, that what you want and need isn’t important, that you are not good enough or worthy.
It’s a necessary part of the healing process. But you have to ASK (and be unattached) in order to hear it.
God ended our conversation that day in the Milwaukee airport with these words….
God: Now, Teresa, go and ENJOY your trip. Truly ENJOY it knowing that it is what I want for you as well. That it is EXACTLY where I want you to be.
So I did – without hesitation, fear, guilt or doubt. I was FREE to enjoy it all!
And that, , is what I want for you…
For you to feel FREE to ENJOY yourself, your life and the blessings you have been given. For you to wholeheartedly WANT what God wants for you – whatever that is.
For you to say “YES” to God and let God say “YES” to you!
In other words, for you to SURRENDER to Abundance! :-)
xoxoxox
With MUCH gratitude~
Teresa
*************************************